Hello, tooth fetishist! Please sneak into my child’s room tonight

It’s Throwback Thursday. This is a post from 2011 from The Two Boys Club (http://twoboysclub.com). This lady makes no more sense to me today than she did back then.

I almost blew the whole Tooth Fairy thing already, and The Elder is a few years away from even getting a loose tooth.

“Mommy, is the Tooth Fairy REAL?”
“Um, yeah — um, so, uh …. well, why do you ask?”
“You said fairies aren’t real!”
“Oh, uh, see, that’s because she’s like, a different kind of fairy. A, um, metaphorical fairy? She’s in the fairies … union, like the, uh, elves, but not exactly a fairy, per se?”

“Well, does she have helpers?”

“You mean like a staff? Uh-huh. Yeah, I think she has some employees. Possibly elves.”

Next up, he’s waiting to hear how Santa can live at the North Pole if there is no land at the North Pole (as he learned from “The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That: Ice is Nice”) and why Mommy and Daddy have to be from another country, called the East Coast, where parents don’t allow toddlers to play “Angry Birds.” Ever. Or so his parents say.

I’ve also got to come up with a better explanation for why this lady wants his teeth. What does she do with them? Does she eat them? Study them? Wear them? Sell them?

When I was a kid, my mother very cleverly told me the Tooth Fairy was building a big house, and I bought it, briefly, but today’s savvy kids might just put in a call to the FBI. A house … made out of teeth? What is it decorated with, hair rugs? Fingernail mosaics? Is she a serial killer, or just your run-of-the-mill fetishist?

As a society, don’t we owe it to our kids to find better reasons to put body fragments under pillows? Let’s start today.

 How do you answer questions about the Tooth Fairy?


  1. Joy Christi from ComfyTown

    Picturing the Tooth Fairy’s creepy house, as you described, makes me wish I could either DRAW or use Photoshop to create the creepiest children-based story of all time.
    I cannot remember for the life of me what we used to tell my son about the Tooth Fairy, but unlike MY parents? I’m not afraid to say “You know, I don’t really KNOW the answer to that. Let’s ask your teacher” and stuff like that. It’s better than making up the STUPID kinds of lies my parents did. Their answers to things were downright insulting. They didn’t want my brother & me to sit in the lotus-style position as we did, and then we would race on our knees. (We were poor, so not a lot of toys.) So she told me sitting like that would give us BLOOD CLOTS. Then my Grandmother told my brother not to pick his nose b/c in his nose were WORMS. We quickly learned to ignore EVERYTHING out of adults’ lying mouths. We don’t believe anything anyone ever tells us. We just smile and nod. At everything.

    1. Jillian O'Connor (Post author)

      Ha! My dad told me that Elvis died from eating too many Twinkies. I avoided them for years after that, not really clearly knowing why …


Comments: What do you think?

%d bloggers like this: