Tag Archive: gardening

The top ten reasons you suck as a mom

 

  1. You don’t own a hot glue gun.

  2. You don’t make tiered, artisanal cakes that look like dragons or castles or the Millennium Falcon.

  3. You don’t go to PTA meetings.

  4. You don’t bake for bake sales.

  5. You let your kids look at screens.

  6. You’re always at work, so you don’t volunteer at school.

  7. You’re not always at work, and you don’t volunteer at school.

  8. You don’t garden and teach your children to be one with nature.

  9. Your child’s favorite vegetables are zucchini bread and ketchup.

  10. You don’t make any sweaters or crochet socks for your children.

You know what? THIS LIST SUCKS.

Here are the ten things you really suck at instead.

  1. You don’t own a hot glue gun? You don’t suck as a mom. You suck at crafts.
  2. You don’t make tiered, artisanal cakes that look like dragons or castles or the Millennium Falcon? You don’t suck as a mom. You suck at artisanal baking.
  3. You don’t go to PTA meetings? You don’t suck as a mom. You suck at driving yourself insane. (That’s good.)
  4. You don’t bake for bake sales? You don’t suck as a mom. You suck at taking on annoying tasks.
  5. You let your kids look at screens? You don’t suck as a mom. You suck at living in a cave with delightfully quirky hermits.
  6. You’re always working, so you don’t volunteer at school. You don’t suck as a mom. You suck at bleeding yourself dry. But you’re very good at maintaining your sanity.
  7. You’re not always at work, and you don’t volunteer at school. You don’t suck as a mom. You suck at being an unpaid school employee who ultimately takes work away from people who might otherwise get paid jobs in your school district.
  8. You don’t garden and teach your children to be one with nature. You don’t suck as a mom. You suck at pretending to be an earth mother.
  9. Your child’s favorite vegetables are zucchini bread and ketchup. You don’t suck as a mom. You suck at forcing your kids to eat vegetables.
  10. You don’t make any sweaters or cashmere socks for your children. You don’t suck as a mom. You suck at knitting.

Do I suck at making lists? Did I miss the real reasons you suck as a mom? Let me know in the comments.

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